Cycles and Journaling- By Dana Droller

Every night this week, I read through old journals. A practice that a friend, a woman I met in Women’s Circle, recommended. I only started a daily journaling practice last year, and I don’t have all my old journals with me, so I’ve only been able to go back since May 2021. 

At times, it’s hard to read. At other times, it’s amazing to see how much I’ve changed and how much has shifted in my life in such a short period of time. At first, I was sad and scared of how much doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, and sadness there is in that journal. But then I also saw all that I accomplished and how resilient I am. I saw that perhaps I’m not as stagnant or lost as I think I am.

What stood out to me the most is that I could see the cycles I go through. The constant ups and downs. The periods of needing to be social and focus on the outside world versus the periods I need to slow down – to be a little more internal and quieter (this week, for example). I felt better seeing these patterns and cycles. It’s reassuring to see that nothing is permanent and that I will continue to go through these cycles and not get stuck in one part. That I’ll continue to find my way and continue to feel lost again. And that’s okay. That’s life.

Working with Sierra and being in Women’s Circle is what has taught me that it’s okay and in fact, it’s necessary to go through the full cycles and experience it all. The awareness and understanding of my emotions and experiences – and the realization that a) I’ll continue to go through all of it and b) everyone has their ups and downs, their need to be alone, and their need to be with people – has been a critical part in my learning to accept myself and learning to be in the messier, harder parts of life rather than try to force my way out of them. 

In Circle, we often talk about being an observer of your own life. Observe with compassion. Observe without judgment. This awareness and acceptance are a constant practice for me. It takes a lot of self-talk to remind myself that I’m always in a cycle and I’ll always make it through the other side – because as my journals have shown me, I always have and always will.

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